by Julia Watermouth

It’s long been a mystery and the documentation has been poor on where exactly the person they call Jesus  Christ was born and raised. Of course we’ve heard the lovely fables of Jesus being born in a manger in Bethlehem and all the other stories that were written centuries later but it turns out that these are all myths. 

We at the Dragonfly Report are dedicated to sharing the truth with you as shocking as it may be. Sometimes the truth may be hard to swallow but please try to have an open mind. Are you ready for the real story? 

A little over 2,000 years ago, in a village in Northern Japan, there lived a garlic farmer named Daitenku Taro Jurai and who the world now knows as Jesus Christ. He studied mysticism and theology and was interested in learning more about the religions of the world. In his early 30’s, he and his brother Isukiri decided to travel to Judea. It is not clear what route they took but it is believed it was all overland and took about two years. They did their best to learn Aramaic and studied the local culture and religion.

While in Judea, Daitenku met a popular woman in her late 40s who called herself the Virgin Mary (to the smiles of the local men). She was immediately enchanted with his mannerisms and desire to learn more about the local culture. She decided to adopt him as a son and gave him the name Jesus Christ because she had trouble pronouncing his Japanese name.

When it was time to leave, she gave him a lock of her hair for good luck which he eventually carried back to Japan. 

Daitenku  became quite popular in town and  learned quickly that if he said he was the Son of God, people would follow him around. He taught the villagers how to make sushi and they were convinced he was heaven sent.

A few weeks later, Jesus (Daitenku) ran afoul of the Roman authorities because he spoke Aramaic with an unusual accent and was accused of heresy. They were also worried that he was getting too popular and could be a problem for maintaining the status quo.  When the Romans came to arrest Jesus (Daitenku), they mistakenly arrested his brother Isukiri, who looked very much like Daintenku.

Isukiri, who was subsequently nailed to a cross, was baffled by the incompetence of the Roman soldiers. He was just following his brother around Jerusalem but ended up getting crucified. 

“Forgive them for they know no what they do,” he frustratingly yelled out but it was to no avail. He died after several hours on the cross.

A few days after the crucifiction, Jesus (Daitenku) was walking around Jerusalem and everyone thought he had risen from the dead. He looked just like his brother and became what we would call nowadays a rock star around town. People truly believed he was the son of God. After all, he had survived a crucifixion.

In reality, Daitenku (Jesus) was so sad to lose his brother that he decided to head back to his village of Shingo in Japan. He took his brother’s ear and the Virgin Mary’s lock of hair with him for good luck. He had no idea that his name would live on for centuries, be retold and embellished over and over and be the basis for the Christian religion.

Jesus eventually made it back to Japan after a very long journey. He married a farmer’s daughter named Miyuko, had three kids, and lived until 106 years old as a garlic farmer. He had no idea how famous and influential he would become and lived a simple life. We do know that he was kind and generous with his neighbors and provided free garlic to those in need.

Thank you Jesus!