by Frank Frakes

Federal Reserve Chairman, Jerome Powell, has been caught redhanded placing stacks of 100 dollar bills in a knapsack during a media tour at the Bureau of Engraving and Printing in Washington D.C. 

According to sources, Powell was leading a tour of journalists from Great Britain on how money is printed and distributed in the USA when the incident happened. The group had just finished visiting a room where bundles of 100 dollar defective bills were being stored until they could be destroyed and one of the journalists asked Powell a question as a joke.

“Since these bills are going be destroyed anyway, do you mind if we take some home as a souvenir?”

According to witnesses, Powell just chuckled and then led the group into the next room. What happened next is a little fuzzy. One of the journalists said when they asked Powell a question, he would repeat the question in reverse order. 

A Morning Post journalist, Lance Burke, said he asked Powell ‘what kind of defect would get a set of bills sent to the rejects room’ and he responded ‘room rejects the to sent bills of set a get would defect of kind what’. 

“Apparently, this is something he does for laughs at cocktail parties,” said Burke. “He has an uncanny ability to repeat everything said to him in reverse order quickly and perfectly. Several other journalists asked questions but he just threw their questions back at them in reverse order. It was starting to get real annoying.”

“He then excused himself saying he left something in the rejects room,” continued Burke. “When he came back the knapsack he was carrying looked much bulkier but we didn’t think anything of it. He’s the Federal Reserve Chairmen for christ sake.”

After the tour, guards approached Powell in the lobby and asked if they could look in the bag he was carrying. Bundles and bundles of tightly stacked 100 dollar bills were found and the guards held Powell until the Metropolitan Police could take him to the station. 

Powell initially told police detectives that he had planned to take the money home so he could study the defects and try to figure out if there were any patterns that he could figure out. Upon further questioning though, Powell admitted that the recent interest rate hikes had devastated his stock portfolio and he just wanted some extra pocket cash to get through the holidays.  

“I could have always just printed more,” he told detectives. “There’s no real motive here.”

“He was then released on his own recognizance, the money returned to the Bureau and the matter considered closed,” said Detective Quincy Davis.

The Dragonfly Report asked Davis why charges were dropped so quickly.

“He promised that he would stop raising interest rates. We’re going to hold him to his word,” he said smiling.