by Rusty Scribes
An OUSD high school social studies teacher known as Mr. P by his students has been found dead behind his desk at a school that wished to remain anonymous. According to our sources, the teacher had been dead for several days when the body was found by a maintenance worker over the weekend. The medical examiner estimated that based on the state of rigor mortis the teacher had been dead for at least five days and had died of natural causes. Apparently, students continued to attend the class all week and no one reported anything out of the ordinary. The Dragonfly Report reached out to the principal of the school but he has so far not returned our calls. Several students have contacted us and helped shine a light on how a dead teacher could go unnoticed for so long.
“He was a great teacher,” said one student. “He was always so passionate about his work, and really made us care about learning. I can’t believe he’s gone. He would post the week’s lesson on Google Classroom on Monday mornings so we always knew what to do. When I saw him sloped behind his desk, I thought he just needed rest.”
“He was always so strict,” said another student. “But he was also fair. He never gave us an assignment that he wouldn’t do himself. I’m going to miss him. I suspected he was dead but I just didn’t want to believe it.”
“By Thursday, we were sure he was dead,” said another. “We noticed he was wearing the same clothes and in the same position. He also started to smell. We didn’t report it because we were afraid we’d have to be taught by subs like in some other classes. A dead Mr. P is way better than a sub.”
Rather than hire a new teacher, the district has agreed to pay for a taxidermist to help Mr. P look his best and get him back into the classroom for the rest of the school year. His colleagues promised to help with the lesson plans on Google Classroom as long as they are paid a stipend. The teachers agreed that having a stuffed Mr. P in the classroom would help bring down the affective filters of the students.
A district spokesperson suggested that there’s a possibility that Mr. P will be back for the next school year.
“If this experiment works out, it could set a precedent on how we deal with the deaths of teachers in the future,” he said. Think of the money we’ll save. Who knows, maybe we’ll get another two or three years post mortem out of every teacher who passes. Taxidermy is way cheaper than a salary and students seem more comfortable with a familiar face, even if it’s stiff,” he continued.
For our readers who are concerned on how the death of this social studies teacher went unreported for so long, the students in Mr. P’s class remind us that even in the face of tragedy, it is important to keep on learning. Let this story also be a testament to the hard-working teachers of our state who can be so uplifting that they continue to inspire even as their bodies stiffen.
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