by Rusty Scribes

It’s no secret diets that limit carbohydrate intake are great for losing weight, lowering cholesterol, and reducing your chance of acquiring type 2 diabetes. The problem with diets like Atkins and the Keto diet is that people eventually get bored with them. A Bay Area dietician, Janet Sangue, believes she has come up with a solution. Her Roadkill Regimen diet is going viral and proponents claim they are feeling healthier, more energetic and in touch with nature. 

“Why spend big money on expensive beef, chicken, pork and fish at the supermarket when there’s so much fresh meat out there on the streets just waiting to be scraped up,” she proclaimed. “Beef production is one of the biggest sources of greenhouse gases. I don’t want to be boastful but the sooner people transition to the Roadkill Regimen, the better our chances of saving the planet.”

Ms. Sangue told the Dragonfly Report that Animal Control has thanked her for making their job easier as they no longer have to collect roadkill and incinerate it.  

Following are excerpts from the Roadkill Regimen promotional brochure she provided us with:

Are you tired of the same old boring diets? Do you want to lose weight and get in shape, but also explore new and exciting flavors? If so, then the Roadkill Regimen is for you!

The Roadkill Regimen is a revolutionary new diet that uses roadkill as its main source of food. That’s right, roadkill! But don’t worry, it’s not as gross as it sounds. In fact, roadkill is quite tasty when prepared with one of our proprietary recipes.

Roadkill is high in protein and low in fat, making it the perfect choice for people who are trying to lose weight or get in shape. It’s also a good source of vitamins and minerals, and it’s free range and grass-fed, so you know it’s healthy.

And because roadkill is already dead, it doesn’t require any butchering of lovely farm animals. Plus, it’s fun to go on those back roads looking for it. Your membership fee covers a class on how to find and prepare roadkill in your geographic area.

The Roadkill Regimen is superior to the Atkins diet and keto diets because roadkill is a natural source of ketones, which are the body’s preferred source of fuel. When you eat roadkill, your body will start burning ketones for energy, which will help you lose weight and get in shape faster.

So what are you waiting for? Sign up for the Roadkill Regimen today and start losing weight and getting in shape the easy way!

Sign up now for just $99.99 and get a free copy of our cookbook, “The Roadkill Cookbook: 100 Delicious and Easy Recipes for Roadkill.” 

Here’s a preview:

Roadkill: The New Haute Cuisine

• Opossum stew: This is a classic dish that is perfect for a cold winter night. Simply brown some opossum meat in a pot, add some vegetables (complex carbs), and simmer until the meat is tender. Serve with a side of your favorite squirrel soup.
• Raccoon chili: This is a hearty and flavorful dish that is perfect for a potluck or tailgate party. Simply brown some raccoon meat in a pot, add some beans, chili powder, and your favorite vegetables (complex carbs). Simmer until the chili is thick and flavorful.
• Gopher tacos: This is a quick and easy meal that is perfect for a weeknight dinner. Simply brown some gopher meat in a pan, add your favorite taco toppings, and serve on low-carb tortillas. Taco Tuesdays will never be the same.
• Fox burgers: This is a delicious and satisfying meal that is perfect for a summer barbecue. Simply brown some fox meat in a pan, add your favorite burger toppings, and serve on wheat buns.
• Coyote sausage: This is a versatile ingredient that can be used in a variety of dishes, such as pasta, pizza, and breakfast burritos. Simply grind some coyote meat with your favorite spices, and then use it in your favorite recipes.

So there you have it! A few creative ways to prepare roadkill for meals. So next time you see a dead animal on the side of the road, don’t just drive by. Pull over, scrape it up, and take it home to cook. You won’t be disappointed.

The best places to find roadkill are:

• Gravel roads. Animals are more likely to be hit on gravel roads than on paved roads because they are less visible.
• Roads near water. Animals come to water to drink, so you can find a variety of animals at these spots.
• Train tracks. Trains can’t slow down like cars, so it’s usually easier to find dead animals on train tracks.
• Windy country or forest roads. These roads are less traveled, so there are more opportunities to find roadkill.

It’s important to be safe when collecting roadkill. Be sure to wear gloves and a mask to protect yourself from diseases and parasites. And be aware of your surroundings so you don’t get hit by a car and become roadkill yourself.

Here are some additional tips for finding roadkill:

• Drive slowly and look for animals on the side of the road.
• Check back at the same spots regularly. New roadkill may appear after a rain or other weather event.
• Use social media to find out where other people have found roadkill. There are many online groups dedicated to collecting roadkill.
• Start a roadkill club and search together

Time will tell if the Roadkill Regimen is just another fad diet or is here to stay. Our only criticism was that as the diet gains in popularity, there might not be enough roadkill to go around. Ms. Sangue believes we have a long way to go before we reach that tipping point.

She invited our staff over for opossum stew the other night and I have to say it tasted a lot like raccoon.

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