by Stephen Popoff
A spokesperson from the California Department of Education or CDE announced at a recent seminar attended by superintendents from districts throughout California that the long ago banned dunce cap was ready for a comeback. The announcement was met by looks of disbelief from all in attendance. After all, the draconian use of the dunce cap as a form of discipline has been banned for decades in California schools and is considered a harmful and abusive form of discipline.
“That was then, this is now,” explained spokesperson Andrew Mackey. “The problem with the early 20th century use of the dunce cap is that it was completely misunderstood and used for all the wrong reasons. It’s time to correct the mistakes of the past.”
The Dragonfly Report’s research team looked into this and we discovered he was right. Here’s a little history: The word dunce comes from a Scottish intellectual named John Duns Scotus. He was born in the 13th century and his resume included Franciscan priest, linguist, master philosopher, theologian, and metaphysical thinker. He was considered a forward thinker and came up with the concept of a metaphysical God, quite a radical idea for his time. He was eventually given the Papal title, Doctor Subtilis, or Subtle Doctor and his followers were called Dunsmen. It is not clear why but he had a love for pointy hats. It is thought that he was influenced by the images of wizards who wore conical hats and saw them as a symbol of wisdom. He also believed that by wearing a conical shaped hat you could experience a reverse flow of knowledge and wisdom could enter through the pointed tip and spread to the brain below. Years later, the establishment decided his ideas were too complicated and little by little the wearing of the conical shaped hat began to be looked at negatively. They became known as dunce caps and instead of being a vehicle to receive knowledge and wisdom they became symbols of idiocy.
The CDE wants to correct that mistake. Rather than being used to shame kids who misbehave or are slow on the uptake, dunce caps will now be used to identify high profile people in the community who mean well but may be lacking some wisdom or knowledge.
“The idea is to make the dunce cap a vehicle for a reverse flow of knowledge and wisdom again,” said Mackey. “We do not intend to shame the target person. We just want to flow knowledge and wisdom through the top of that cone and hope it spreads down to the brain. This will be an educational experience for our students who will gain a deeper understanding of current events, the community and the person wearing the dunce cap. The bottom-line is that we want the dunce cap to be seen in a positive light and a tool for individual and community growth.”
Mackey told the Dragonfly Report that every two weeks the CDE would target a high-profile person in California who may need some guidance and wisdom. So far, they have chosen two dunce cap candidates and provided us with the criteria on why they were chosen. The CDE is hoping that the candidates will wear the dunce cap voluntarily.
Pamela Price (Newly elected district attorney of Alameda County) Although no one likes the idea of a growing prison population, people want to feel safe in the communities where they live. Ms. Price campaigned on a promise to lower prison terms and to provide probation whenever possible. That’s good news for criminals but bad news for everybody else. She was in the news recently for referencing noncarceral forms of accountability (that means you don’t go to jail) in regards to the sentencing of those responsible for killing a two year old child in a crossfire shoot-out on a freeway in Oakland. Again, that’s good news for the shooters and terrible news for the family of the child killed. By wearing the dunce cap, we hope that she gets the message that public safety should always be the priority because when criminals know that nothing much will happen when they break a law, they will break more laws. Being lenient is not progressive and crime is getting worse. Restorative Justice, which may work well in homogeneous societies like the Maori people in New Zealand doesn’t translate well to the complexities of American society. It simply doesn’t work here and early assessments show that to be the case. Please allow all this information to flow into the funnel and spread to both lobes. We love you and want you to succeed.
Kevin McCarthy (Republican Speaker of the United States House of Representatives) Kevin is a native of Bakersfield and came on the national scene in 2006 when he was elected to Congress. He became a candidate for the dunce cap due to the fact he has become something that we never want any of our students to become and that is “somebody’s bitch”. As Speaker of the House, Mr. McCarthy had the rare opportunity to become a real leader and lead the Republican Party in a positive direction but he decided to become just another soldier in the misguided Trump cult. We would like the spirit of wisdom and true leadership to flow into the funnel and reach Kevin’s brain before it’s too late and he’s forever associated with a criminal and philanderer. Put on the cap Kevin.
As you can see, the return of the dunce cap is not meant to shame but to inspire people to become their best selves. The real benefit is by watching those in leadership positions become wiser by wearing the dunce cap, our students will learn to make better choices in their future endeavors.
The Dragonfly Report is asking its readers to nominate California candidates for the dunce cap in the comment area below and explain how it may help them.